Gray Isn’t Ugly—So Why Were We Taught It Is?
For so long, I didn’t even question it.
Of course I dyed my grays. Of course I tried to keep up with my roots. That’s what we were supposed to do, right?
But now, every time someone says, “Don’t go gray—you’ll regret it,” or “You’re too young for that,” I can’t help but wonder: What are we really saying when we say those things? That gray means we’ve let ourselves go? That beauty has an expiration date?
Because when someone told me not to go gray, what I heard underneath it was: Gray isn’t beautiful.
And that stuck with me.
That’s when I started to ask the real questions.
The comments that stick with you
Why is it that men go gray and get called silver foxes, but women get told to cover it up?
Why are we praised for looking younger than our age, as if aging well means hiding the fact that we’re aging at all?
Why do we let the pressures of society dictate how we show up in the world?
The truth is, I didn’t always have answers. I still don’t. But I’ve started listening more closely to what I hear, and even more closely to what I feel.
The unlearning I didn’t expect
When I stopped dyeing my hair, I thought I was just making a change to my appearance.
But really, I was unlearning so much more:
- That youth is the standard.
- That beauty is tied to maintenance.
- That we need to keep up, fit in, smooth out, stay small.
Letting go of dye didn’t mean letting myself go.
It meant letting go of what wasn’t mine to carry anymore.
What I hear now when people comment
So now, when someone says, “You’re so brave,” I smile. Not because I think I’m brave, but because I know what they’re really saying:
“I haven’t felt the freedom to do that yet—but maybe I want to.”
And when someone says, “I could never pull that off,” I hear:
“I’ve been told for too long that I shouldn’t even try.”
I get it. I’ve been there. And the truth is, I’m still somewhere in the middle of it.
But the more I let the gray grow in, the more I let go of the fear that used to come with it.
Every step we take is a step toward our true selves.
Thanks for walking part of this path with me.
🩶 Meesh
